Tuesday — A Timesheet Full of Overtime
From the Series “The Payroll Manager Diaries: Tales from the Shared Service Centre”
Dear Diary,
Today’s crisis? The overtime apocalypse. Apparently, the Spanish team decided to work extra hours last week — except for Miguel, who worked zero overtime but somehow billed for 20 hours. I’m beginning to think Miguel believes in time travel. Turned out they had “forgotten” to file in their overtime for the last few months a decided to pour everything on this month’s timesheet instead of making the appropriate corrections.
Then there’s Bob from Facilities, who’s based in the UK. He sent me a spreadsheet with what can only be described as a work of fiction, claiming he worked more hours than there are in a week. I’m starting to suspect that Brexit has made him forget how to do basic math. The icing on the cake? He followed it up with a "quick question" email about his tax code, which turned into a 30-minute call. Apparently, Bob thinks UK payroll is my only responsibility.
Nigel appeared in the payroll office shortly after. “Ah, Bob’s figures again. We’ll need to reconcile those entries against the general ledger. We wouldn’t want any discrepancies affecting our net operating income, now would we? And by the way, we should discuss the impact of these erroneous timesheets on our cash flow statements. It’s all about liquidity ratios and assets appreciation, you now?”
Speaking of appreciation, Tom from Finance sent an email at 5:01 PM asking for "urgent corrections" to his pay check. Clearly, the definition of "urgent" has been stretched to include everything that could have been handled during normal business hours but wasn’t. And just when I thought I’d escaped for the day, Tom called my mobile at 9 AM sharp this morning to "follow up" on that email. He was genuinely shocked that I hadn’t spent my evening tackling his non-urgent “urgent” issue. The audacity!
I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Karen from HR then popped up with her own brand of nonsense, talking about creating a Payroll Well-being Committee. I feel like I’m stuck in a sitcom where everyone speaks a different language, and I’m the only one without subtitles.
Then came an email from Sophie in Finland: "Is it possible to get my bonus in gift cards instead of cash? It would make holiday shopping so much easier!" I’m tempted to ask if she wants her taxes filed in Monopoly money too.
And just when I thought the day couldn’t get any more ridiculous, a "quick question" from Steve in IT about his pay check turned into a 30-minute discussion. It started with him wondering why his direct deposit was a few cents off and ended with a deep dive into how the payroll software handles tax brackets. Steve was fascinated. I, on the other hand, was mentally drafting my resignation letter.
I might drop in at the wine bar on my way home tonight.